lepas aku balik Nagoya, aku perasan aku macam lost. Lost dalam erti kata aku mula rasa x keruan sebab aku xde plan nak berjalan. Tapi, bila dah rancang trip travel, hati aku still x puas. Lepastu aku rasa apa aku nak dalam hidup? What next? this void feeling is so annoying, hunting my mind every single second.
Buatkan aku terfikir, where are all this "do-it-now-or-never" coming from. Kemudian, aku teringat Ateem. sejak Ateem meninggal, aku semacam dirasuk semangat "do-it-now-or-never" yang gigih nak penuhkan bucket list. Sebelum Ateem meninggal, we have this VIP group chat where we discussed where we want to go next. As usual, Ateem being the most semangat one, she was the one who posted a lot of recommended places to go. Then, she passed away. Ateem meninggal buatkan aku terfikir, aku kena buat semua yang aku nak, hidup hanya sekali dan aku tak tahu bila aku pergi. So, for the past few years, i have been traveling to a lot of places because "it is now or never guys". Traveling is something we always look forward, the VIP group. Perhaps, by traveling, i found peace with her death.
Traveling solo probably the ultimate thing yang aku nak sangat buat. Lepas travel solo, this feeling right now, i do not know how to explain. aku rasa, alhamdulillah, jyeah done jalan solo. Lepastu i basically, have nothing in mind. What should i do next? Apa aku patut buat? Do i need to get married? Do i need to further my study? do i need to do career change? these questions linger in my mind. At first i thought maybe i need to plan another trip to look forward, so i planned one. done. but this feeling still bothering me. i am bored. i feel something missing. Like, i need a change.
Dont get me wrong, i love my life right now, my parents are with me, friends who are always there for me, my bosses are perfect and workplace is peace! what more do i need?
..........
aku mengantuk tadi. dozed off. hahahaha.
(Sambung balik)
Mungkin aku patut take one step at a time. enjoy the moment. Chill. read more books, exercise more, eat healthy. live simple normal life. Ada ke normal life? i think kita semua ada hidup yang pelik yang kita cuba untuk buatkan hidup itu jadi senormal mungkin. what my friends going through, their hardship, i pray nothing but only the best for them and my life too. Something happened in my life which change my perception 100%. i was so stressed and miserable thinking about it. At the end, i gave up thinking so much. what ever happened already in the past. nothing i can do about it. nothing i can change. u have no idea how traumatized i felt. i just want to forget about it. i do not want to care anymore. This part of my memory i want to erase completely. Sometimes,when u encountered things which u can't fixed, you need to walk away from them.
Mungkin aku patut take one step at a time. enjoy the moment. Chill. read more books, exercise more, eat healthy. live simple normal life. Ada ke normal life? i think kita semua ada hidup yang pelik yang kita cuba untuk buatkan hidup itu jadi senormal mungkin. what my friends going through, their hardship, i pray nothing but only the best for them and my life too. Something happened in my life which change my perception 100%. i was so stressed and miserable thinking about it. At the end, i gave up thinking so much. what ever happened already in the past. nothing i can do about it. nothing i can change. u have no idea how traumatized i felt. i just want to forget about it. i do not want to care anymore. This part of my memory i want to erase completely. Sometimes,when u encountered things which u can't fixed, you need to walk away from them.
No comments:
Post a Comment